the talk after...

i was about to pick up the rest of my clothes when he invited me once again to join him in bed. i sat on the edge but then he asked me to lie down on his chest. his voice was filled with sweetness. he took my hand and gently rubbed it. slowly he enveloped me around his arms. i then felt the tightness and warmth of his hug. though i never expected that he is into cuddling, i restrained myself and rendered my mouth speechless for i did not want to ruin the moment.

my head resting on his chest, i felt the beating of his heart. he moved one hand upward from my back to my head and ran its fingers through my hair. i raised my head and then we met eye to eye. his eyes no longer have the flame which burned both our bodies and souls an hour ago. the windows to his spirit spoke of a language which could not be transmuted into words. it was affection.

growing conscious of his gaze i gradually turned my eyes off his. then he spoke.

please tell me that was not just sex..

slowly i released myself from his arms and lay beside him. i did not know what and how to answer him. a thousand thoughts traversed through my head. taking my time to organize my answer, i just stared at his face. i was about to break the silence...

i'm sorry. i know this is just a one time thing. we agreed on it. but what we did. it was different. the way we kissed. the way we looked at each other. the way we moved. everything. i felt it and i hope you did too. if i turn you off with this, it's okay. i'll understand. i just had to say it.

i gave a little nod but my face remained expressionless. this is not the first time something like this happened to me after the sex. he is not the first guy to say all those things to me after the sex. i had two  options.

i could choose to easily burst his bubble and crush him. i will tell him that i am really passionate when it comes to sex and that i know how to please my partner in bed. and that i do not do reruns. i will ask him to delete my number for i will also delete his. we will not see each other anymore and if ever we do by accident, we'll just ignore each other.

or i could choose to pretend that i did feel what he felt. i will tell him that he really is different as compared with the rest of the partners that i had. it was serendipity that we met and we should see if we are bound for something serious. this is a good start for a possible relationship.

the old me only had two choices. he is very strict when it comes to one night stands. sex is just sex. it is only and will only be a physical thing. once the libido has died down, we clean ourselves, dress up and go home. i will hunt again for the next prey when the pangs of hunger could no longer be pacified. if i do it with passion, if i make it look and feel different for you, it really does not matter. i just do it that way.

i have to be honest with you. what we had was sex. and it was great. if it was different with your other experiences then i'll take it as a compliment. although i do not see this as a good start for something serious because a part of me is old school and traditional, i am willing to take my chances.

his face lightened up. he smiled at me.

so will you come back? will we see each other again?

i grinned.

well let's see.