fifty-nine beads

let us pray in the name...

i could still vividly remember that day when i visited you and my cousins in cainta. you had a lot of stories to tell as always. no one has ever told me about papa and mama's love story like you did. every chapter was in full color. each story was related effortlessly as you cook dinner. at the table we shared insights on faith, politics, show business and family life. while waiting for the tricycle you asked me when will i visit you again and i answered soon.

hail mary full of grace...

three years ago we were walking in cubao carrying plastic bags. i could no longer recall how many kilos of frozen chicken were in those bags but heck they were really heavy. i knew you were tired but i did not hear you complain. you just smiled and said that my cousin would be very happy with the mountain of fried chicken that you'll be preparing for her birthday.

the first mystery...

whenever i reprimand my cousins for being disrespectful towards you, you will always say that it is okay. i guess you love them that much. they have grown too dependent because you pampered them. you never had children so i guess you treated them as your own.

holy mary...

i always see you as someone who never gets tired. someone who is strong. someone who believes and supports me. you are the godmother who is proud of her gay godson.

for every petition we answer...

as i hold on to these fifty-nine beads i pray that the Divine Providence may take away or at least lessen the pain. i no longer pray that the cancer will disappear and that you will recover from the stroke because every single day that you are still with us is already a miracle. i have come to realize that we did everything we could and that things are no longer in our human hands.

help of christians...

i could not bear seeing you cry but this time i will be strong for you. hold my hand ninang. i am here.