me time

paci, do yourself a favor and buy something expensive for yourself, my friends chorused the last time we went out for coffee.

my defenses rose like portcullises but i restrained myself from over-thinking. i kept my cool and allowed them to explain. they are my friends after all and almost seven years of being together is no joke. i treat them as brothers, er, sisters - siblings.

it began with a narrative of my positive traits. the fact that i take glee in simple things is a part of me which they admire. they never forgot to add that i always look out for my family and my friends which according to them is almost superman-like-complex. my wit and humor served nonchalantly is a skill they tried to imitate a lot of times. the wise hermit with an immature kid at its heart is a very unique mixture. blah blah blah.

somewhere along the sugary words i raised my hand, stop it and get to the point.

the eldest of the group pointed at my phone. how much is that?

if i remember correctly, 1,500 pesos. it's nice actually. dual sim and cheap. i would not cry if ever i lose it to a holdaper. heck, holdapers would laugh at my phone.

he smiled. i think it is time that you replace it with a blackberry. don't take it the wrong way that just because we all have blackberries and iphones then you should have one as well. we know you are that simple to a fault but it doesn't follow that you cannot buy something expensive for yourself.
another friend added. for the past year, you survived the passing of your lolo and ninang. you deserve a break. i know how dedicated you are with your work but do not forget to enjoy life outside your vocation. we all need that. you of all people need a vacation.

point taken. perhaps it is not that bad that i spend more than an overpriced cold coffee and cake.

and so i will be purchasing a phone which is ten times more expensive with my present one. the vacation is set on may and i filed it as early as yesterday. more items to buy and more plans to set. odd but i find myself looking forward to these things.

i guess a big part of the decision came from my friends.

you have been taking care of your loved ones for so long, it's about time you take care of yourself more. and God knows it is not selfishness.

a month and ten days

mama, my aunt and my cousins all turned to me and sought refuge in my arms. they cried for her name as if she would hear them. as if she would answer. i hugged them as much as i could. patting their shoulders and backs was all i could do to lessen their pain. the entrance of the furnace was shut closed and their wailing subsided. a few minutes passed and we made our way to the waiting room. i then excused myself and went outside. walking, i found myself sitting in a nearby garden where santan, rosal and gumamela are plenty. it was already dusk.

i wept.

and neither comforting words nor warm hugs could take away the pain. i was hurt and i did not know where to turn or where to go to find solace. i cried looking at the darkening horizon. i cried until i saw the first star twinkle in the sky.

at eleven in the evening we arrived at our home. i was greeted by our relatives as i carried the marble vessel containing the ashes. her ashes.

a month and ten days. and so i recall. forever i will remember.

i am doing my best ninang.

down memory lane

sàangyaht faailohk

i will keep this short and simple.

happy birthday. i love you.

image from here.

kanta muna friend

palagi naman, sa barkada natin, ako ang takbuhan. ako ang balikat na iniiyakan, ang habambuhay na tagapayo, ang cheerleader na walang pompoms (pero dildo ang hawak).

me already.

at sa mahigit na pitong taon, hindi pa rin ako nagsasawa. kahit may problema rin ako at kailangan ko rin ng matatakbuhan at masasandalan, alam kong wala sa kalingkingan ng problema niyo ang pinagdaraanan ko.

kaya para sa iyo friend, malungkot ako na naghiwalay na kayo ng jowa mo. pero tulad ng dati, andito pa rin kami. kumanta at sumayaw na lang muna tayo.

image from here.